From a hilarious forward I received this morning. . . .
"The GOP National Committee announced today that it is changing the Republican emblem from an elephant to a condom because it more clearly reflects the party's political stance:
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives one a sense of security while screwing others."
The Friday Five
. . . again, finally. I've missed a few weeks and this is an old one but what the hell right?
1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?
Actually, technically, no. Funny story. My middle name on my birth certificate is “Ann.” I decided after reading Anne of Green Gables that I agreed with the title character that if one is going to be named Anne, it should always be spelled with an “E.” So when I started applying to the private high schools in my area, I spelled my middle name on all the forms as “Anne.” My mother threw a fit and said that she’d named me “Ann” not “Anne,” but, whatever, she was a smart woman who chose her battles and eventually left it alone. Ever since then, college and job applications included, my middle name has been “Anne.” It’s all kind of funny because my birth certificate and my passport don’t match. I hope Homeland Security doesn’t come knocking on my door one day. Ummm, *ahem* I know
you can hear me out there Mr. Ashcroft, please don’t arrest me, the name thing was an aesthetic decision.
2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?
I don’t know honestly. I’m pretty much down with my name at this point. I hated it when I was a kid and felt like it sounded too aristocratic and snotty for me but now I’m over it.
3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)
A story? I’m so glad you asked. . . .
I was supposed to be named Katherine Ann (after Katherine Hepburn) or Brian Lee. When my mother was about 8 ½ months pregnant she said to my father, “I’d like to name the next one ‘Mona’ (not my real name for any “anonymous” blog readers out there).” ‘Mona’ was my mother’s middle name and she always liked it better than her first name. After 48 hours of labor and an emergency C-section, my father came to my mother after she woke up from the anesthesia, handed me to her and said “Here is your Mona.” To which my mother, in her still heavily sedated and thus probably prophetic state, said, “What are we going to do with her?”
And so a hallmark of my life was set.
4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?
I hate the names Tiffany and Chrissy. I like the names Faith, Bronwyn, Willow, Liam, Michael, Ian, Katherine, Sarah, and any semi-androgynous names for girls.
5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn't it?
I’ll do both my online handle and my real name. I refuse to judge whether they are accurate or not – you can figure it out on your own. I choose to remain enigmatic.
(RE: names - If anyone out there really wants to stalk me you should have enough information by now to accomplish it. If you can’t be deductive and evil enough to figure it out, I don’t want you as my stalker anyway. :-P)
: You seek change, travel, new opportunities, and new challenges. our active, restless nature demands action and you dislike system and monotony. As you are versatile and capable, you could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks. Having considerable vision, you could be adept at formulating new, more effective ways of doing things. You could organize the work of others, though in your impatience to see the job done efficiently, you would likely step right in and do it yourself. You could work well in sales and promotion, and would not be afraid to risk a gamble as the name gives you much self-confidence. You do not find contentment in the routine tasks and responsibilities that are associated with home and family or with administrative detail in the business world, so you have to guard against frustration and even moods of depression over your personal responsibilities. The restlessness this name creates could find an outlet in caustic, irritable expression.
: The name of Mona gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings. Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity. There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean. It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally. You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood. You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature. Because your feelings run deep, you must guard against the ups and downs, being very inspired one minute, then moody, reserved, and depressed the next. Your reactions to people vary according to how you feel. You tend to be secretive and noncommittal about private matters, yet at times you will talk effusively in order to hide your self-consciousness or to lead others away from personal subjects. You are inspired by encouragement from others, yet suspicious of their intent. You crave affection but seldom find anyone who understands your nature.
She would not be a good candidate to babysit your children.
She has no native instincts for survival (now that isn’t true even a little bit)
She does stupid things to impress people.
She tends to get others down.
She has breath that could drop buffalo.
She can be apathetic to a fault. (*ahem*)
She waits for a chance to jump down others' throats. (OK, well maybe)
Mona is blunt and insensitive.
Mona would not be a good candidate to babysit your children (Hey what the hell is this all about?)
Mona regularly practice cannibalism.
Mona judges a book by its cover.
Mona is sexually aroused by everything-- including lawn furniture. (Well not *lawn* furniture)
Mona couldn't beat Ghandi at boxing.
Mona can be apathetic to a fault.
Mona likes to cause mental and physical pain.
I don’t understand anything that’s going on on this website and have wasted enough time blogging today at work anyway.
I’m off, time to go back to work. As always, it’s been fun.
Formatting issues. . . . just testing.
A Sad Time
My paternal grandfather, Papa, died yesterday. He was 77. He was more of a father figure to me in my childhood than my own father was. I simply saw Papa more. I'm kind of at a loss for words but as far as deaths go, this was a good one. He hadn't been sick at all until November of last year and he hadn't been very sick until a few weeks ago. He only spent about 48 hours in the hospital before he died. He died peacefully and quietly with his six sons and daughters around him and the belief that he'd be seeing his beloved wife again in just moments. I guess the best thing to say is to paraphrase what I'm told my Uncle Lee said in a circle of prayer with my grandfather and his children the night before he died. Papa was awake and aware the whole time and I'm glad that he got to hear these things from the people he loves.
"Lord, please accept your servant Bernard into your kingdom. He was a good man and a good father. He took care of all of us all of our lives. He took care of our mother, who is already with you, through many years of sickness and over 50 years of marriage. He cared for his sister-in-law, Jean, and brother-in-law, Sam, in their old age and illness. He took care of people in his work at the hospital lab and as a medic in the Navy. He managed made it through two wars without ever hurting anyone. Please care for him now as he cared for everyone else during his life. Amen."
One of the professors at work told me today that in Judaism they say, "May his memory be a blessing." I like that a lot.
In addition, I’d like to say an Irish Catholic blessing which was always displayed prominently on my grandparents’ wall that I think approximates my feelings pretty well:
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
I'll obviously be in CT for a few days. I'm leaving tomorrow and will be back Sunday. Thanks to everyone who has contacted me with offers of help or hugs or an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on. I really appreciate it and I'll be talking to you all soon.